JohnnyI’ve been around for ages. It was a neighbour that started feeding me when I was a cutesy grey kitten, but as I’ve grown up I’ve had to fend for myself a lot of the time. Apparently, picking fights with all and sundry and wailing at the top of my voice day and night doesn’t endear me to many people.

Neither does my squirting. Well, they’ll just have to deal with it, as it’s important that everybody knows I’m The Boss and own pretty much everything around here*. I have forearms like hams and a gammy eye as a result of an early fight which definitely proved that.

*We don’t need to mention that jumped up Persian rug Prince Furdinand from across the street, he was just trouble from the start – quite frankly I’m glad he’s not around any more.

Johnny Shed


I am careful not to upset Anne & Jeremy though, as they feed me when I ask nicely. That definitely helped me recover from that horrible winter when I couldn’t walk on my back leg and managed to get some of my tail cut off. They’ve also started pulling ticks off me and drizzling my neck with weird smelling stuff, which isn’t so nice.

I’m probably about the same age as Shest, although I’m definitely not as fat. I’d like to be, but then I probably wouldn’t be able to get so much pussy. There are always going to be drawbacks.